If you’ve ever felt like you’re not enough, not doing it right, or somehow falling short… have you ever stopped to ask: according to whom?
So many of us carry a quiet, heavy burden. A sense that we’re not quite measuring up—at work, in relationships, in life. And yet we rarely pause to question where that feeling comes from.
Anthony De Mello, in his book Awareness, offers a liberating perspective: much of our anxiety and dissatisfaction doesn’t come from anything flawed in us—but from our programming. Over time, our families, schools, cultures, and even our faith traditions instill messages about who we should be, how we should behave, and what it means to be “good,” “successful,” or “worthy.”
And here’s the painful twist: if we struggle to meet those expectations, we don’t just question our choices—we question our worth. This has absolutely been true for me.
This Is Where The 3 Life Questions Begin
The first question—Am I living authentically, from my True Self?—asks us to pause. To breathe. And to consider: Is the life I’m living truly mine? Or am I still chasing someone else’s script?
Your True Self isn’t here to impress, conform, or pretend. It doesn’t hustle for approval or fear rejection. It’s already whole. What gets in the way is the programming that tells you you’re not.
A Few Signs You Might Be Living From Programming, Not Authenticity
- You feel guilty for wanting rest, joy, or change—even if nothing is “wrong.”
- You avoid disappointing others, even at the cost of your own peace.
- You chase success or security but feel empty when you get it.
- You have a persistent feeling that something’s “off,” but you can’t name it.
So What Can You Do? Start Noticing.
The moment you begin to see the programming is the moment you create space for freedom.
- Catch the Voice — When you hear an inner judgment or fear, pause and ask: Whose voice is that? Is that really me?
- Practice Self-Compassion — Remind yourself: There’s nothing wrong with me. I’ve been taught things that may no longer serve me.
- Get Curious — What would I choose if I weren’t trying to meet anyone else’s expectations?
Your Challenge This Week:
Pick one situation where you’ve felt pressure to be a certain way. Pause. Ask yourself: Is this my truth—or my programming? Then take one small action that feels aligned with your True Self.