I mentioned that The 3 Life Questions™ arose principally from my reading of Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s research on death and dying, as well as Dr. Viktor Frankl’s observations on the nature of meaning and purpose.
I also mentioned that my purpose in bringing The 3 Life Questions to the world is to make them actionable, so that we might all experience more peace, joy, and fulfillment.
For the Questions to be actionable, there’s something else we need to discuss, namely: Who – or what – is the “I” in each Question? Who desires to live authentically, cultivate meaningful relationships, and have a positive impact?
This invites us to consider the nature of the self, a topic that has been debated by philosophers and mystics for centuries. Frankly, I won’t even attempt to resolve this, even if I thought I could (which I don’t).
Still, there are a few key ideas I picked up on my way to creating The 3 Life Questions that I invite you to consider.
First, the “I” in each of the 3 Question can only be known by you. The rest of us – even your closest friends, your family, and even the best spiritual guide – may be capable of describing things and characteristics about you, but they can never know your “I.”
This is because words and concepts are never the thing itself; they can never adequately define the true nature of something, particularly something as significant and unique as your very essence. Traditional words and concepts such as Atman, Soul, Indwelling Being, and Consciousness, to name just a few, might be useful as pointers, but they do not – they cannot – fully define your “I.”
As a result, many teachers, philosophers, and mystics suggest that it is far more accurate to speak in terms of what the “I” is not. Examples of what the “I” is not include your:
- Body or physical condition (when you looked in the mirror as a child, your “I” was looking at your reflection in the mirror; when you look in the mirror today, it is the same “I” who sees, but the body it sees is very different).
- Thoughts or emotions (your “I” is the experiencer of thoughts and emotions; your “I” is not the thought or emotion)
- Financial status (this comes and goes, and your “I” seems to remain)
- Religious affiliation (or not) (you could change your religion tomorrow, but has your “I” really changed?)
Why does this matter?
For at least 2 reasons. First, I believe it’s very difficult – or perhaps, impossible – to get to an emphatic “Yes!” in answer to The 3 Life Questions, unless you have a deep understanding of who the “I” is in each Question.
Second (and I can assure you this has been part of my own journey), because we often mistake who our “I” is, with the labels we have consciously or unconsciously adopted. And defining our deepest self in terms of those labels can very easily lead us away from attending to the 3 essential Questions that matter most.
We’ll revisit this them of understanding who “I” is in future posts. For now, I invite you to consider the following:
- What labels do you presently consider to be an essential part of your identity? A few examples include mother, father, sibling, son, daughter, President of ABC Company [insert your own title and organization], entrepreneur, financially successful, attractive, not attractive, physically fit, out of shape, alcoholic, depressed, spiritual, etc., etc. Pick any labels that comes to mind.
- Next, who would you be if you weren’t capable of assigning any label to yourself? In other words, if you had never learned any of the labels or concepts in the previous paragraph, who would you be? How would you know? What part of you would know who you are?
- What happens to your sense of who “I” is when you do this exercise? Does it make you more comfortable, or less? Why?
I realize we’ve ventured into some deep water here, but I trust that working in this space will present opportunities for making The 3 Life Questions come alive.
Set up a complimentary, 30-minute conversation to discuss this further!