What if setbacks weren’t obstacles, but invitations to grow and become even more aligned with your authentic True Self?
Life is full of unexpected challenges, and even the most successful individuals face moments of uncertainty, failure, or disappointment. The difference between those who thrive and those who struggle isn’t the absence of hardship—it’s their ability to navigate adversity with resilience.
A coach who’s been influential for me is Brian Johnson (you can check out Brian’s work here: https://heroic.us). Brian emphasizes the idea of becoming “anti-fragile.” To be “anti-fragile” is to adopt a stance to welcome these experiences, because every one of them is meant to push you toward an even more authentic version of yourself.
This attitude of welcoming challenges was put beautifully by the 13th Century poet, Islamic scholar and Sufi mystic, Jalaluddin Rumi, in his poem, The Guest House (full text is at the end of this post). This is a poem that I need to re-read quite often, as being “anti-fragile” does not come easily to me; it takes practice, and reminders.
Here are a few additional lessons on resilience I’ve learned on The Road:
Wisdom and Grace
Resilience isn’t about avoiding difficulties—it’s about developing the inner strength to face them with wisdom and grace. True resilience allows us to:
- Adapt to change without losing ourselves.
- Learn from failure rather than fear it.
- Stay grounded even in times of uncertainty.
Never Lose Sight of Your Power to Choose
Viktor Frankl pointed out that the ultimate distinguishing characteristic of a human being is the ability to choose, moment to moment, how one will respond in any given situation.
For many of us (myself included), all too often we abdicate this fundamental power.
Yet every challenge is a reminder that we can choose our response. We can resist what’s being presented to us and suffer, or we can embrace reality and evolve into a more authentic version of ourselves.
How might we do that more consistently? Br. David Steindl-Rast (https://grateful.org) has a beautiful, simple practice. As many times a day as possible, and particularly when we feel that life is handing us a distressing situation, Br. Steindl-Rast invites us to “Stop. Look. Go!” Here’s my take on what that looks like:
- Stop. Take 5 very slow, deliberate breaths. Focus your attention on the bodily sensations of your breathing, rather than on your thoughts and emotions. Pay particular attention to the sensations of the air coming in and out of your nose, and the rising and falling of your abdomen. Appreciate the fact that you did absolutely nothing to earn or be worthy of the breath you are taking; it is quite simply an unconditional gift you are allowed to receive. Consider the wonder of that very fact.
- Look. Before responding (or reacting), take a moment to assess what this experience is teaching you. Ask: How can I grow from this? What strengths am I developing through this experience? What is the condition or demand that I have placed on how life is “supposed” to unfold (and isn’t)? What if I didn’t impose that particular condition? Would this event be disturbing to me without that condition?
- Go! From this alternative place of internal quiet, take the action that will most advance your internal sense of well-being. Consider how the step you are about to take advances or takes away from your ability to answer “Yes!” to The 3 Life Questions. That might involving doing something, or choosing to do nothing at all (at least, not right now). Either way, a response that is grounded in stillness and that is aligned with The 3 Life Questions is far more likely to be effective in the long run, than one taken at the height of emotional distress.
Some Additional Practices to Build Resilience
- Cultivate Inner Stillness – Meditation, deep breathing, or even a short walk can help center your mind in difficult times (see the discussion on Stillness in last week’s blog post).
- Seek Perspective – Talk to mentors, friends, a coach, or journal your thoughts to see gain perspective on the bigger picture.
- Embrace Flexibility – Life rarely follows a straight path. Learning to adjust and pivot strengthens your ability to handle change.
Your Challenge This Week:
The next time you face a challenge—big or small—consider the “Stop. Look. Go!” approach. Rather than resisting what’s being presented to you, see if you can lean into the lesson and observe how your mindset shifts as you move toward being “anti-fragile.”
If you’d like to explore this topic or any of The 3 Life Questions in more depth, schedule a no-obligation, 30-minute conversation here: https://calendar.the3lifequestions.com/lets-get-to-know-one-another.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.